I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
barbara walters just said penis...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
