so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
