I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
