You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
