Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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