that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
