I will die if light touches me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
