i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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