I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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