I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
