Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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