omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
