Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
