Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
