took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
