At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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