Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
