the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
