Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
