Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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