And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
