Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Success! We fucked roommates!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
