Pappa wants mamma naked
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Someone signed my nipple.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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