After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
