She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Four minutes until I can fart!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
