I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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