But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
