I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
