I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
