I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
