i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
