I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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