girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
