I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
