I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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