No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
