There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
