the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
