i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
