if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
