Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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