Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
