I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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