the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
