Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
