I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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