dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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