The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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