i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
