Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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