Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
