If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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