you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
