Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
