your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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