dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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