I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
