Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
