2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
