So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
