am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
