Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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