I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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