I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
