Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
bring money and cleavage
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
