Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
