can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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