I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
