Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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