I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
