How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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