You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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