One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
