I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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