I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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