Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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