im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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