dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
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