38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
