dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
