It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
