im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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