i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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