Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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