i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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