You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
