i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize