A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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