he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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