I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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