K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
