I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
