i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
