I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
