And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
