You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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