I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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