a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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