Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
