Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
