If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
